So Santa has been off the job for a couple days now, holed up again in his ice fortress on top of the world. His damage done, now he plots for his eventual return. Wrapping paper is blowing through the streets like tumbleweed, crushed by those hoping to get a bargain during Boxing day-turned-to-a-week sales.

At a street corner in my town a nativity scene was set up back in November. It's a nice, traditional one; no surprises there. One notable addition are the guards that were hired to protect the area 24 hours a day. This was probably done in an effort to stop bored teens from doing the usual dumping of loads of soap in the fountain. With the fountain now covered, they would be sure to have little alternative but to target the nativity. Naturally, serious precautions were taken because nothing is worse than a foaming Jesus.

By the end of this year, at least 50% of the population will own an MP3 player in some incarnation or another. Those without will be regarded as inferior, becoming outcasts; forced to create a new society. This new society will grow to resent those who were once their social equals, leading to a massive war of the classes; The iPod People vs. The Norms. This battle should be more destructive than the Cabbage Patch Wars of 1984. The Norms should be victorious due to the fact that the iPod People won't be able to hear eachother with those earphones in, making organization impossible. All must take this as a cautionary tale and to avoid the bloodshed just buy a splitter cable.