- I was briefly the Canadian ambassador to Portugal. I had to step down because I insisted on calling all residents of Lisbon, Lisbians.
- I was on the bear-wrestling circuit to make money to pay for my schooling. Still had to go to DeVry.
- I once saved Colonel Sanders from drowning in a creek in Kentucky. His reward; free fried chicken for life.
- I was an extra in the movie "Weekend at Bernie's". The 'Bernie gets a lapdance' scene was later cut.
- Al Gore is full of shit; I invented the Internet and I did it with nothing more than a roll of tinfoil, some paperclips, and hamster in a wheel.
- I tame lions in my spare time. The toughest part is to get them to balance a biscuit on their nose without having them tear me to shreds.
- I'm a world-reknown jewel thief. The only reason I'm able to tell you this is because it seems so preposterous an idea that I have no fear of ever getting caught. So I guess that's a perk, that along with the wads of money and the fast women. No dental though.
That's enough for now. I would write more but those monkeys are getting restless...
- I'm a world-reknown jewel thief. The only reason I'm able to tell you this is because it seems so preposterous an idea that I have no fear of ever getting caught. So I guess that's a perk, that along with the wads of money and the fast women. No dental though.
That's enough for now. I would write more but those monkeys are getting restless...